Current Exhibits & Observations (Jan 2026)
The Alpha Reclaims Territory
Park Rangers report that the Alpha Male has begun aggressively marking his territory using "Tariffs" and "Executive Orders." Note the distinct orange plumage.
Behavior Warning: Has recently shown aggression toward crypto-currency regulators.
Post-Shutdown Stress Disorder
Following the December "Hibernation" (Shutdown), the 535 primates in this enclosure are disoriented. The "Speaker Silverback" is attempting to maintain order, but the troop continues to fling mud.
Diet: Consumes trillions of dollars daily; produces little output.
The Regional Habitats
Florida Exhibit: The reptiles here are fighting a war against "woke" invasive species.
California Exhibit: An enclosure so expensive that even the animals are migrating to Texas.
New York Exhibit: Currently undergoing maintenance due to high crime rates among the rodent population.